Explanation: Diogenes was an Ancient Greek philosopher who lived in an empty wine barrel on the streets and passed along unconventional wisdom to passers-by, often unasked for. Such brilliance as “If only it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly!” when accosted for masturbating in public, and “Behold, a man!” whilst holding a plucked chicken, when Plato’s Academy defined a man as a featherless biped.

Unironically, though, his iconoclasm, while eccentric, does show a well-considered and coherent value system, and for that reason, despite everything, was a major influence on later philosophers, especially the Cynic school. Alexander the Great famously said, “If I were not Alexander, I would want to be Diogenes.” to which according to some accounts Diogenes replied, “If I were not Diogenes, I too would want to be Diogenes.”

Diogenes was max gooning before it was cool, but with more logos