- cross-posted to:
- mensliberation@lemmy.ca
- cross-posted to:
- mensliberation@lemmy.ca
cross-posted from: https://kbin.social/m/mensliberation@lemmy.ca/t/623593
Harping on people to get married from up in the ivory tower fails to engage with reality of life in the dating trenches.
I’ve been on the dating apps for 3 years now, I’m male, and it isn’t a good time for guys either. While women get literally hundreds of likes a day, guys, its the polar opposite, maybe 1 or 2 matches a month. There may be some weight to the articles points about younger generation of males who lost their way, and aren’t keeping up with life. But I feel one major contributing factor to making online dating shittier and shittier is all dating apps mimicking tinder with the swipe left/right bullshit. Being forced to say Yay or Nay right then with the smallest amount of information about that person to make a judgement on, other then looks, that’s a recipe for incentivizing men to swipe Right on every single women, and then hope they get some matches back.
Mix into this toxic stew the fact that the most desirable men are in the top 10% of attractiveness, and those guys get a ton more matches then the bottom 90%. Those guys can be huge assholes and generally ruin it for everyone. The experience of a women on modern dating apps is just terrible, endless amounts of attention, low effort guys trying to get their dick wet ASAP and being blatant about that up front. It’s exhausting for women. For guys, it’s soul crushing, feeling worthless, retooling your profile pictures, your bio, in the hopes you’ll stand out.
Online dating was never great, but it got much worse when Match group acquired the vast majority of dating app companies, and then they all started following tinder’s toxic design. Also add a huge helping of design elements meant to squeeze more money out of lonely people. “Oh you want to know if your message was read, get read recipes for 2.99 for a pack of 5!”, “Get scene first, get premium!”.
Yeah, screw online dating, no wonder less people are getting married.
Here’s a great video by Kidology about Tinder:
Dating Apps: The New Class Struggle
It’s a machine designed by capitalism to make more money, not necessarily be effective. If it was effective at its job, it would make no money. I would love to see smarter people than me, make some good algorithm style dating match app, that just helps people find like people.
To give you a slight perspective on the multiple / hundreds of messages a day, imagine they’re 90% sleezoids and only 10% are probably decent men, getting flooded with heaps of messages then makes it the tiresome task of finding a needle in a haystack, exhausting work. I would argue that getting more messages isn’t a better place to be. If I had to choose, I wouldn’t choose that option.
Don’t get bitter, take the time to well round yourself, build yourself up a better version, that’s wisdom, anyway, and you’ll be happier inside a levelled up version of yourself, either way. And be patient with the women wading through the mud trying to get to you.
I can’t imagine how much wears you down to get an endless tide of shit guys. I’m not bitter, I’m doing A-okay, I’m happy with my self and happy with my life and would only want a relationship that adds to my life and I to hers. I appreciate the kind words! I’m keeping some dating apps active just in case I find a great match with good chemistry, but my periods of depression are behind me thankfully. But early on, it was rough, so I know what other guys are probably going through too.
No one says you need to spend a fortune on a wedding.
You can do it in your back yard for the price of admission.
If you’re with someone who can’t accept that then you’re with the wrong person.