I’m not the best at explaining things but I’ll try here for anybody that is willing to read.
For the last year or so my coworker and I have been sort of been circling each other, doing a lot of activities together and keeping in fairly regular contact via text and calls. She and I were both coming out of relationships and not exactly ready for anything to happen immediately. But we are both very active and fit people with a lot of similar interests and we get along really great.
Eventually a mutual friend let me know that she was interested and frustrated that I hadn’t made a move on her. So on Christmas Eve She came to see me and we had an honest conversation that the attraction was mutual. We made out a little bit before she went home. Afterwards we talked about our intentions and expectations, we are both interested in a long-term stable relationship, we are both interested in getting to know the other a little bit, and agreed that we would get together In a few days. She postponed because she wasn’t feeling well but then suggested New Year’s Eve, so I waited a few days and checked in with her and she’s cancelled again saying that she would prefer to just stay home, without offering anything else, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.
I have been out of the dating game for a while so it’s just hard to play a cool just when things were starting to get spicy. Any suggestions on how to stay calm and not double text?
If she’d prefer to stay home for new years…why aren’t you offering to come over and spend the time with her? Why are you just going “ohkay byeeee”…
Oh she said she wanted to be alone and wasn’t feeling very fun, so I took the hint
If she said directly, she wanted to be alone – fine. If she didn’t say those words in that order though, I’d at least attempt to go take care of her (not in a sexual way, I mean if she’s sick, or going out seems like a chore). Seen plenty of people in the pits of depression that have up/down cycles where they’re feeling great, but when the time comes they dread going anywhere. Offer to go over and cook. Can’t cook? Go try and give it your best shot. Find some recipes on the internet. People love being cooked for, so at least just offer. Don’t press the issue hard, but people who want to be together find excuses to be together.
I think if she cancelled and didn’t offer an alternative (an easy thing to do if you want to see the person and don’t want them to get the wrong idea), then the message is: not tonight. I don’t think there is anything wrong with letting it go at that.