I’ve had biryani countless times but never thought about eating it with my hands. As today would have been Charlie’s 32nd birthday, I decided to put my judgement about him aside and see if I could eat one portion without scratching my anus, something that Charlie thought the average person does constantly.

Mine might be unusually insensitive, but I didn’t have to scratch once. I may be getting overconfident, but I’m fairly certain I may go the whole week or even the entire month without needing to scratch it.

So farewell Charlie Kirk. I will remember you on this day even though you could clearly never remember to wipe.

Edit: It seems that the image of Charlie Kirk’s tweet was actually fake, so I’m going to have to admit that I should have checked first. But I still managed to have some biryani, so I won anyway.

Edit 2: I decided to check if CK ever commented on Mamdani’s biryani video, and wasn’t surprised to find a video of him being racist about it. He called eating without utensils “unclean”, which suggests he doesn’t wash his hands. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1128637712625322&id=100064373126203