I used to feel this way. I remember every weekend I would have conversations with my grandfather and they would cover a lot of ground in politics, business, and literature. We didn’t agree on much but he always took a deep interest in my life. One day he asked me if I had any role models, who they are and why I looked up to them.

I responded to him with some precocious teenager thing about wanting to be myself and not really wanting to be anybody else but then he explained to me what a role model is.

By explaining to me that there were many admirable qualities about my father to be admired despite all of his shortcomings he said that my father can be a role model but that I should not strive to become like him in every way.

He explained to me that he himself has made many mistakes and doesn’t get along with some people that he would like to. He said that he would like to think I would look to him as a role model in some ways but not to try and imitate him or his life.

He taught me the word emulation which I had only ever used for video games and explained that role models can be good and bad.

These guys can be role models for many of the things that they have done. If we find out that they are sex pests or hyper Nazis in secret that shouldn’t diminish the example of the good that we can observe from specific actions they have taken.

We can do the good without the bad.

We should want to do the good without the bad.

When I look for the helpers, I admire that they are helping, and I accept that some of them are secretly terrible people in other ways.

Yeah, fuck heroes. Role models are for directionless NPCs. Everyone is wholly complete upon birth and needs nothing from others.