“the fun’s not infectious and the guests are a nightmare, and two hours of Melania feels like pure, endless hell,” giving the movie one star.
Spirit is gonna remember that.
The movie is so bad they had to release the Epstein files to distract from the reviews.
*Some of the Epstein files.
It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch and proffered like a medieval tribute to placate the greedy king on his throne.
chef’s kiss
“a bad film made by bad people about bad people.”
I don’t remember the last time I read something so brief and blunt but so accurate.
“If you’re hoping Melania will have a ‘so bad it’s good’ energy, I’m afraid it does not. Melania is not Cats,” Smith concluded.
It’s deemed so bad even that awful live action Cats movies is far superior? Holy shit!
I look forward to the song on YouTube with lyrics comprised purely from bad review quotes. This is going to be the spiritual sequel to Rachel Ziegler’s Snow White disaster.
There are so many joke reviews and so few people seeing it I did wonder if there was anything interesting about it whatsoever
“A good two-thirds of that 108 minutes is spent watching Melania Trump leave buildings and get in a car, then get driven around in the car, then get out of the car and onto a plane, then get flown around on the plane, then sometimes get off the plane and into a different car. This is the very first thing you see in the film, and it’s repeated a good six or seven times.”
Think the early joke reviews were right on this one.
the film sounds as boring as her actual so-called life
Maybe that’s what that reviewer meant when they said if they watched Melania on a plane they’d walk out.
I’m so happy this film is bombing. Fuck the drumpfs.
“…a gilded trash remake of Jonathan Glazer’s The Zone of Interest in which a button-eyed Cinderella points at gold baubles and designer dresses, cunningly distracting us while her husband and his cronies prepare to dismantle the Constitution and asset-strip the federal government."
“Melania moves through the action like a listless automaton, talking constantly but saying nothing, squired from Mar-a-Lago to Trump Tower to her final destination, the White House,”
Wasn’t predicting she’d die there, but ok.
Do you think she’ll end it herself? or will it be Trump. One of the staff? Orders, Revenge… Public service?
If we consider what happened with Trump’s exwife, I’d guess he’d order a hit on Melania a couple days before her NDA expires, then bury her a couple days later on one of his own golf courses.
We can only hope he doesn’t live that long.
Wasn’t predicting she’d die there, but ok.
bruh spoilers
Siskel & Ebert give the film no thumbs up: “Not even worth pirating to watch ironically”.
absolute stinker
Lady that launched a meme coin called Smelania lmao
The last reviewer stating that the movie is worse than Cats.
And that movie drove Andrew Lloyd Webber to get a dog.
Hold into your butts. The last time a movie that bad came out, we got COVID.
Wtf is it even about??
A female con artist who gets multiple boob jobs so she can marry a hideous man with a fetish for gold gilding. She is an immigrant who likely came to the US illegally. She pretends to be a model, but is actually just a stiff mannequin, which is also he whole personality… stiff mannequin. There will be hats, sinister decorations, awkward encounters, heels, dated fashion, slitty eyes, and amazingly cringe slogans… “Be Best”.
Out of Five Stars, this picture is rated: 1 Turd. In empty theaters now!
Cheap plastic hollow toys that nobody wants to play with, but maybe that’s too generous.
The rotten tomato tomato audience reviews are wild. Must be bots
