Note: The post image is relevant and will be explained further below.

New Features

LemVotes + Tesseract = A New Matchmaking Service ❤️

We’ve partnered with the fine folks over at lemvotes.org to create a new feature to help build lasting friendships in the Fediverse.

When you downvote something, it will poll LemVotes to see who else downvotes that same item. Over time, it will build up a list of profiles who hate the same things you hate and will show you a list of potential new best friends based on your shared dislikes.

Figure 1: A modal window showing a list of potential best friends based on shared downvote history

Now More Privacy Conscious Than Ever

Are you tired of people recognizing you? Tired of people being like “Hey, I recognize that account! They’re good people, and I enjoy their posts” ? Boy am I sick of that.

Well, problem solved. In this and future releases, all accounts are ephemeral. Every time you vote, make a post, or reply with a comment, it will create a new disposable account while deleting the old one. Say goodbye to meaningful social interactions and get your troll on!

Figure 2: A test user’s post history showing each post made from a unique and deleted account.

Rendering Images is Hard - Now They’re All Samuel L Jackson

For a long time now, Tesseract has jumped through hoops to try to determine the best image to display from the data in the post objects (thumbnail, full-res image, embed_video_url that’s actually the GIF you’re trying to post, etc).

In this release, we’ve simplified that process greatly. All image posts are just Samuel L Jackson staring motherfuckerly at you. Not only did this change massively streamline the codebase, but it also is much more efficient due to being able to cache a single image and re-use it indefinitely.

Figure 3: A cute cat trying to help its human type on the computer. Awwwww ❤️

Sending Nudes to Admins is Now Much Easier

This is actually two new features:

1. There’s a “Send Nudez” button tacked onto the bottom of the site info in the sidebar where you can upload a nude and it will send a DM to each of the instance admins.
2. The signup application response has been replaced with an image upload button to send a nude in lieu of responding to the questionnaire.

Figure 4: A not-at-all tasteful nude of me, Admiral Patrick, illustrating the “Send Nudez” button in action.

Upgrade Instructions

Upgrading is automatic and mandatory. No action is required on your part.