In the age of relentless online pornography, sexting and smartphones, the way teenage boys learn about relationships has changed dramatically, writes Akin Ojumu
History would disagree. We’re still living in a society shaped by Quaker beliefs about sex, children, and the human body in general.
It’s telling that the article didn’t interview anyone with expertise on the history of sex or people who study sex professionally (as academic scientists and researchers). Porn is definitely more easily viewed than ever before and that may be shaping kids views of sexuality but how is that shaping adult’s views of sexuality? Why are kids special?
I’ll tell you why kids are special: It’s because it has become acceptable to assume that kids being exposed to sex of any kind is somehow “bad”. Nowhere in the article do they talk about why it is that kids aren’t learning about healthy sexual relationships: Because we hide that from them.
No one wants to talk to their kids about sex but if there’s one thing you should tell kids (not just your own!) about porn it’s this: It’s fake
It’s the classic puritanical/quaker view of sexuality. Kids should be shielded and protected from any mention of sex and sexuality. Then when they turn 18 or get into their first sexual situations a switch is flipped and they’re chastised for not “knowing better”.
“The unborn” are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor; they don’t resent your condescension or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows, they don’t ask you to question patriarchy; unlike orphans, they don’t need money, education, or childcare; unlike aliens, they don’t bring all that racial, cultural, and religious baggage that you dislike; they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born, you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn.
Children aren’t quite as good as the unborn, but they’re close. Advocating for children still lets you feel good about yourself without having to actually associate with children. They’re a group it’s pretty much OK to be paternalistic toward. If they do resent your condescension, you can easily write it off because they’re just children.
I answer every question my son has honestly and in plain, easily understood language. He’s in middle school. Boy are his friends being fed some bullshit from their parents and unfettered access to the Internet. Smile and nod, kiddo, then come ask me. If I don’t know, we’ll look it up together, but I will not keep him in the dark. The dangerous thing about sex is ignorance of it. And yeah, porn ain’t real.
“We are living in a highly sexualized society.”
History would disagree. We’re still living in a society shaped by Quaker beliefs about sex, children, and the human body in general.
It’s telling that the article didn’t interview anyone with expertise on the history of sex or people who study sex professionally (as academic scientists and researchers). Porn is definitely more easily viewed than ever before and that may be shaping kids views of sexuality but how is that shaping adult’s views of sexuality? Why are kids special?
I’ll tell you why kids are special: It’s because it has become acceptable to assume that kids being exposed to sex of any kind is somehow “bad”. Nowhere in the article do they talk about why it is that kids aren’t learning about healthy sexual relationships: Because we hide that from them.
No one wants to talk to their kids about sex but if there’s one thing you should tell kids (not just your own!) about porn it’s this: It’s fake
It’s the classic puritanical/quaker view of sexuality. Kids should be shielded and protected from any mention of sex and sexuality. Then when they turn 18 or get into their first sexual situations a switch is flipped and they’re chastised for not “knowing better”.
I think of that quote:
Children aren’t quite as good as the unborn, but they’re close. Advocating for children still lets you feel good about yourself without having to actually associate with children. They’re a group it’s pretty much OK to be paternalistic toward. If they do resent your condescension, you can easily write it off because they’re just children.
I answer every question my son has honestly and in plain, easily understood language. He’s in middle school. Boy are his friends being fed some bullshit from their parents and unfettered access to the Internet. Smile and nod, kiddo, then come ask me. If I don’t know, we’ll look it up together, but I will not keep him in the dark. The dangerous thing about sex is ignorance of it. And yeah, porn ain’t real.
So glad you brought it up. Not only sex but romantic partnership in general seems to be the one thing people need to somehow figure out on their own.