I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We’ve been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we’ve been shells of who we were.
Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.
Right now I’m still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)
How do former couples get along usually? I’m a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.
My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.
Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long
Being friends will get easier for you once some time has passed to allow you to establish a stronger new sense of self, which you’re now forced to do. Couple years maybe to give it plenty of time?
No reason to rush it, especially if you’re both okay being civil and cooperating for the benefit of the kids in the meantime.
Once you’ve been back out there dating again for a bit, you’ll be able to view all of this a little more objectively, and it’ll become easier to re-establish a fresh, new friendship along more independent lines.