After my post the other day, I made the decision to tell my ex that I couldn’t be friends, not with her, or her family, that it would be too painful for me, that I would always be trying to be more than what it could be.
But today my mom came in throwing some curveballs. She says that my ex still loves me. The only reason I’m not disregarding this is because her and my ex were close. My mom misses her, maybe not as much as i, but like I do.
She says I shouldn’t give up just yet, and if friends is all we can be then that’s fine, but keeps urging me to take her to hangout. A detail I left out is that, the week prior to her telling me that romance wasn’t an option, she rested her head on my shoulder, but I can’t tell what she’s saying by that. She even continued doing it after she told me no romance. Maybe I misunderstood her in that she meant no romance right now, my head is a mess, I thought writing this out would make it make more sense.
I came here first to write but I’m about to go ask some of my friends, so don’t worry about me using Lemmy too much
Honestly, this sounds like bad news either way.
Either she’s confused (bad news) or she’s purposefully trying to string you along (double bad news) or you have somehow an active role in this and aren’t telling us (also bad news).
Have one (1) frank conversation, then either get back together or purge her from your life.
Doing things that could be construed as romantic while saying no romance is a dick move. She wants her needs met without risk or reciprocation. Red flag.
How long has she been an ex? Who decided you should be exes?
If your head is a mess, keep your distance until it’s cleared up. Don’t let your mom run your relationship, one way or another.
Take what mom said with a grain of salt. Parents can do some monumentally dumb shit “in the best interest” of their kids. That can mean they may lie to you to get you to do what they think you should do.
If the ex says she doesn’t want anything more than friendship, that is reality until she says otherwise. If she isn’t willing to tell you directly that she has changed her mind, then she hasn’t really changed her mind.
I’ve been with someone who would constantly be acting in a romantic way while constantly saying there was nothing romantic and that they were not ready to be in a relationship with me. But still always wanting to spend time together, cuddling, etc. As soon as I was acting more distant or less affectionate (basically more friendly than romantic), that’s when they would up a notch the affection display.
It kept me around them because I was always hoping at one point the door would be open for a relationship. When what we had (whatever it was) “officially” ended I was at some of the lowest I’ve been in my life. Looking back at it there was so much gaslighting, now that it’s behind me, I am glad I got out of it.
I think you should tell her it’s either you try to go back together or it’s over for good. Being in this weird Schrodinger’s couple situation never ends well, for both parties. It may hurt, but in the long run you’ll get over it and it will be easier to meet new people who don’t send mixed signals.
It’s best for you to go no contact with her. This is a bad situation that will make it difficult to move on and potentially screw up your future relationships.
If your mom wants to keep in contact with your ex, that’s her choice.
You staying away is yours.
