Warning: The content of this post might be troubling, especially to those with a sensitivity to nightmares or suicide.
I have nightmares that turn into meta-nightmares. I will be in a dream and something threatening is trying to get me. I notice that what is happening is unrealistic or nonsensical, so I tell myself I’m in a nightmare and try to wake myself up. I try yelling as loud as possible, shaking, slapping myself awake, and just telling myself over and over to wake up. I even dream that in my bed in my bedroom fighting through sleep paralysis while trying waking up, while the threat is coming to my bedroom. It’s terrifying. Many times, I wake up happy I was able to finally escape the nightmare, only to realize I’m actually still asleep and the nightmare resumes. It’s very exhausting and disappointing because I will go through many cycles per night (up to 10 times) of thinking I wake up only to be in the nightmare again. It’s like I learn to not be hopeful that it’s over.
On a few occasions where the threat was so severe that I rather die, I have killed myself in the dream, and that works but it is terrifying and I wake up as if it were really happening. I wake up breathing heavily, sweating, super confused, and scared to go back to sleep again. It’s like I’m checking if everything is real and having to come to terms that I just committed suicide in my dreams. This only happens when I know I am going to die in the nightmare and rather end it on my own terms. So while it works, it’s not really an option in nightmares where the threat isn’t certain death since they seem so real in the moment. I also don’t want to build a mental habit of committing suicide every time I’m scared for obvious reasons.
In general, the nightmares seem to come in episodes of a few months. They then go away seemingly out of nowhere, and I’m back to normal dreams. I’m currently in the beginning of a new episode, so I’m trying to prepare for the next few months. I don’t have the option to speak with a therapist. I’m looking for remedy that I can employ myself. It can be anything, but I really enjoy learning, so if there is a book or skill recommendation, I would highly appreciate it!
Any tips on how to wake up during nightmares or any other remedies?
This sounds like sleep apnia. When you dont get enough oxygen you can get a deep feeling of doom or dread.
I had a friend stay the night. They kept pushing me to lay on my side when I would snore. I didn’t have any vivid intense nightmares that I remember, and I awoke feeling much better than usual. I think it could be a combination of a lot of things, but that seemed to help. I tend to be near people I trust when I’m scared. It’s how I feel safer. I have a thing where I overlook a lot of factors, so having someone nearby that can cover those areas intuitively helps with safety. Having them around may have helped with the fear in the dreams. They also pushed me onto my side whenever I would snore, so maybe that prevented me from having as much difficulty breathing. I want to order one of those long maternity pillows that keeps women on their side to see if that helps. If it’s only sleep apnea, then that would be a nice remedy. But I’m certain there are some psychological and situational factors influencing this as well.