For those harsh moments of lucidity that break through the armor and pierce your heart.
For me, the cute moments of playful experimentation couldn’t quite penetrate my denial, but they did weaken it enough for the strong hits to make it through. I would quickly try to block and repair as best I could, but the structure was compromised and couldn’t hold like before. All these hits came from myself; from actually considering that I could be trans
I really didn’t have obvious signs, as most of my symptoms were attributed to autism. I didn’t like going shirtless, although I wasn’t sure why. I hated going into men’s locker rooms and didn’t fit in well with most boys, except the boy with long hair. I was jealous of him and always wanted to grow mine out, but my mom would constantly tell me that I wouldn’t like longer hair because it gets heavy and hot.
However, I never once felt like I was a girl or felt like I wanted to be a girl. I was fine with feminine things, but many of them are too much trouble to get too invested in outside of special occasions. I want to know how to walk in heels, but I rarely want to wear them (not to mention I’m already conscious about my height 😖)