Last night I had a dream where I was socially interacting as male, had male anatomy, etc. - it usually disturbs me when I wake up and realize my unconscious is operating this way, it feels like I don’t see myself as a woman, which is true on a conscious level but it’s painful when I don’t even see myself as a woman in my dreams.
Sometimes even before transition trans women see themselves as women in their dreams, and I marvel at that. I think part of my denial was integrating every internal part of me that felt female as being actually authentically male, that all men are actually feminine in this way or that. So the authentically feminine parts of me still feel “male”.
Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick poll and see:
(if any transmasc folks or enbies are reading this, I would love your input too, even though I’m using gendered language, I don’t mean to be excluding)
- did you have dreams where you were a woman before you transitioned?
- what was the process like of your internal concept changing as you transitioned?
- when did you start appearing as a woman in your dreams post-transition? (did the frequency increase post-transition, what was that change like?)
- how do you relate to your self-conception, does it disturb you to be a man in your dreams, is it a relief to be a woman in your dreams?
I haven’t started transition yet, but I remember having dreams where I was a girl even before the time I realized I’m not cis. In some I would be a female fictional character from a movie/animation, and once I dreamed I was looking in the mirror and seeing a female version of myself. I felt really happy seeing myself as a girl in that dream.
I still don’t know if I would like to do a complete transition and be a woman, or if I just want to be less masculine. I’m probably NB. Not sure.
There are a lot of NB trans women (hiii!)
(^w^)ノ~~