103% of statistics are made up on the spot.

Y’know, it’s dangerous out there. Maybe you should just start mag dumping through the front door whenever the doorbell rings or a robin farts.

Let em both get eaten by Brontorocs.

“Oh Lawd, they’d didn’t bring a sacrifice chile.”

Maybe my 20yo mini dachshund is planning on producing a flux capacitor, but I’ll believe that before i believe your fantasy.

Don’t tell America…

…there’s oil in America.

“What?! They have oil? And brown people?!? GET 'EM!”

He said he was gonna cut the federal budget by ~30%, or roughly two trillion dollars. I saw an economist say that if you fired Every. Single. Govt. Employee it still wouldn’t save two trillion dollars. It’s just absolutely insane.

Sharpen up the 'tines, me hearties. The time is nigh.

Just bippin’ and boppin’ along.

I pay attention.

Hey, good for you! My dog likes to watch tennis. Could say he PAYS ATTENTION. I wouldn’t say he understands wtf is going on, but attention is being paid…

LAPD raids an “illegal grow-op.”

“The Water Navi invites you to Lake Lao Gai.”

Cabbage Vendor on Pandora:

“This place is worse than Omashu!”

Read the room drag, ffs.

To quote Al Swearengen: “I like that fucking darjeeling black. Oops.”

Yes.

“The Dip. Good choice.”

I am aware of the teaches of Peaches

My favorite passage: “…”

The 1812 Overture to braille

TIL oxygen masks date back to the 15th century.