It doesn’t fucking matter what I do I’m playing some game with some old friends online and ten minutes later as I’m laying in bed I just feel more empty and lonely than I ever knew was even possible. I’m sorry for just making these posts and never replying to any of the messages. I don’t want online friends I want real friends. I want to smell people, hug people, kiss people, hear them breath, I want to feel someone next to me, I want to be touched in all the places I’ve never been touched before, I want to be tender to someone else I want to cry with someone else. I want to fall asleep next to someone, I want to wake up next to someone I want to feel their warmth but in the thirty years that I have lived so far that hasn’t happened and I just dont see how it will ever happen but I don’t want anything else out of life there’s no point to any of the rest of it if i can’t share it fully with other people. If this is what my life is going to be like I don’t want it