It doesn’t fucking matter what I do I’m playing some game with some old friends online and ten minutes later as I’m laying in bed I just feel more empty and lonely than I ever knew was even possible. I’m sorry for just making these posts and never replying to any of the messages. I don’t want online friends I want real friends. I want to smell people, hug people, kiss people, hear them breath, I want to feel someone next to me, I want to be touched in all the places I’ve never been touched before, I want to be tender to someone else I want to cry with someone else. I want to fall asleep next to someone, I want to wake up next to someone I want to feel their warmth but in the thirty years that I have lived so far that hasn’t happened and I just dont see how it will ever happen but I don’t want anything else out of life there’s no point to any of the rest of it if i can’t share it fully with other people. If this is what my life is going to be like I don’t want it
It is sometimes maddeningly paradoxical that you can attract things more by making yourself appear like you don’t really need them so much, and they end up entering your life on what may seem like an almost accidental basis.
I learned this from cats in my early 20s. Do you have much experience with cats or other less gregarious animals?
I try not to seem desperate but I feel more desperate every single day
PMed you because of doxxable content.
I appreciate it
Do you have any thoughts on what I sent? I was hoping that a conversation would arise from it.
From the time I’ve been on this site I’ve noticed a lot of people whose stories are like what mine would be if my life had one or two less lucky twists; maybe it’s grandiosity or megalomania but I really want to be part of the lucky twists that bring my left-behind online comrades into places where they are connected and valued and loved.
Sorry I was out and didn’t have time to read it yet, I’ll answer either this evening or tomorrow, hope that’s okay 👍
This is the plague of the modern era. I can find so many lefties online but I got zero in my physical existence. Mark Zuckerberg is right, I want 15 friends. 15 communist friends.
Today I went hunting for mushrooms in the woods and I just started to feel really depressed and hated myself. Then was thinking “what the hell man. I’m out here in the woods why am I feeling sad?” Don’t know why these machinations of existence are not what they used to be. But sometimes it sure as hell seems on purpose.
I’m sorry if that wasn’t helpful. Hopefully just knowing that you’re not the only one going through this could help a little bit.
it’s not your fault modern life is totally atomized
If you live in a populated area: find groups that do things you like to do
If you live in the middle of nowhere: move at all costs
I lived in a suburban hell place until 25 and also a very tiny town with nothing around for 50 miles a few years later. I’ve also lived in a few small-medium size college towns and spent a good amount of time in larger nearby cities. It’s all about population density and finding like-minded people. It’s so much harder to find people with common interests in rural areas unless you like drinking, meth, or shooting guns (US perspective lol). Similarly, the suburbs are devoid of culture and all the good shit happens in cities. If you already live in a city, you’ve got the hardest step taken care of.
I live in a big city. Just nobody likes me enough to be around me, I’m a weirdo who even though he has no money and comes from a working class background and is a white cishet dude and socially stunted decided to be interested in high culture shit.
Also I don’t want to go to some shitty hobby meetup once a week, I want friends I can talk to regularly that so sleepovers and that you just hang out with that you have for years and that you go on vacations with
You don’t get friends without meeting people. That’s what the groups are for. If you’re into high culture shit, find groups for those interests. If you want really close friends that do sleepovers and whatnot, find the ND people in these groups. They’re more likely to say fuck social norms and do cool shit as an adult. You want something very specific but apparently want it to appear out of thin air, which is not how social relationships work. And you’re never going to find the “perfect” friends. Absolutely don’t befriend chuds, transphobes, racists, etc but social relationships are messy and you need to give people some grace. Like you can’t expect people you just met to want to spend all their time with you. They may have opinions on culture that you don’t agree with but it’s not a big deal (unless they’re just a bad person). Example: I have a friend that is highly opinionated on what is “good” art and their personal style clashes completely with me (their basic femme stuff in earth tones vs. my maximalist queer NB fits). Despite this, we are great friends and use these differences to have great discussions and poke fun at each other a bit. You may find a person who disagrees with you vehemently but if you actually talk to them, you realize their background is totally different and they’re not bad for having the “wrong” opinion, just a different journey on their way to finding their taste.
All of this rambling to say: get out of your head/house, go to groups of people with similar interests, and get to know people. This is how you form friendships. If you do any kind of art or craft (or are interested in learning!), that’s the best bet for finding chill people. Art/craft folk love hanging out and making shit. (Don’t forget art can also mean music, film, photography, etc)
I love you man, you deserve what you need
You need hobbies that will help you meet like-minded people. Think about what sort of things you like (gaming, gardening, dogs, biking) then find places near you where people meet up to talk about those things.
Then go! Maybe you won’t meet your besties there, or your future significant other, but it gets you out there and around other people. Relax (key point) and talk about the stuff you like with people who also like the stuff you like. Keep going to these meet-ups with the goal of just vibing. Do not feel pressured to make connections the first time. Vibe, man, vibe.
deleted by creator
One thing I use to do was make sure to go out every weekend. It doesn’t matter where, just out of the house.
It could be a bookstore, cafe, club, meet up, or bar… Anything.
Every time I go outside I see all these people and just do not feel connected to any of them and have no idea how they life and have friends and anything
Sure, but connections will come the more often you try.
I’m older than you. Was married, am currently separated. I have amazing kids who I live with. I organize in real life. I have lots of really good friends in real life who share my interests and who I see often. I play online games with my friends as well. And I also completely understand the loneliness you’re feeling.
I miss having a romantic partner. It’s been many years since I’ve been hugged or hugged someone who wanted to be around me in a romantic way. I miss smelling people too. I miss someone wanting me to touch them. In fact I can barely remember what it’s like. I have been feeling very lonely lately, and it’s not because I don’t have friends or family. Honestly I think there is something up with society and the pressures that are ingrained into the current capitalist system that tie any kind of loneliness to a sense of failure and to something will never change. And I also wonder if online interactions make it worse. I feel my loneliest right after I interact with my friends online.
But you know what this is a manufactured thing, the idea that how things will be permanent. Things change. Things change all the time and can do so quickly! The present and future are all that matter. You could meet someone tomorrow who falls in love with you, and it would feel like they’ve always been there. Don’t dwell on the time in the past, because when something changes in the future, the past won’t even matter anymore.
You deserve to find someone and be loved. And I believe that you will, and it could be anytime.
I have never even kissed a woman. I imagine it’s very fun and wonderful and sweet and nice. The last time any woman showed interest in me was ten years ago. I want to go on dating apps or whatever but no one had taken any good pictures of me in like four years. I’ve become a much more confident and well rounded person over the last decade but that just doesn’t seem to matter at all. I’m almost thirty and can’t take care of myself. I’ve got one friend in this city and we fit together so we’ll but whatever she is looking for in a man I’m just not. I feel terrible for feeling this way. I do not want to feel this way. I want to be friends with her but I just can’t help wanting to kiss her and be close to her. I don’t want to be a fucking creep, but every time after we go to the movies I don’t want to say goodbye and go home alone. I feel good when I’m around here, but as soon as she’s out of sight I feel completely empty. We’re both almost thirty and she’s standing right in life and doing reasonably well for herself but I’m just an idiot who can’t get a job or anything. She wants to have children at some point and if that’s what she wants she’d be stupid to love me. I can barely afford to take care of myself and everything is getting more and more expensive and impossible and stressful every single day. I want to stop feeling this way it’s just getting worse and worse
Same
but I am scared of people at the same timeI don’t know what to say, really, because there’s little information about your life in your post. Maybe that’s a part of the issue of being lonely. I went 20 years like that, 21 maybe but I remember that exact feeling. Don’t know if you are physically isolated, but I was socially isolated, absolutely. Small city and a weirdo, so I left to a big city and found myself still alone. I know 10 more years like that would have been rough.
Online people is still real people and you can get to know them. I could connect my heart with someone online, we met, and it was the beginning of a change inside of me. It wasn’t a success story, I hurt her feelings, because of the same frustration of not being able to be physically there. In the end, she changed everything forever, more time would pass to get to something “more real” that wouldn’t feel like before, like grasping for air. Allow yourself all human interactions, a kind smile, a kind look has never hurt anybody.
