I can leave the house to go to work and shop by myself, necessary things like doctors appointments.

I cannot go to an event with friends, hang out with friends, do things that are not mandatory or at least extremely “safe” (libraries and thrift stores.) I am experiencing regression with eye contact.

There’s no “thought” I can try to replace or change. I just can’t. I tried to make plans to go thrifting with friends weeks ago - I couldn’t leave.

Part of this I think is a rational fear related to being terrified that I’ll be pulled over and forced to change my license to say “female” - which would make me even more unsafe.

I feel locked in. The internet is the only place I really get to feel like something of a human being.

  • ReanuKeeves@lemm.eeEnglish
    9·
    15 days ago

    Do you feel a disconnect between how you look and how you want to look? I don’t have agoraphobia but I do have some social anxiety that has caused me to skip out on a lot of events and I would recommend getting it under control or at least understanding how to manage it sooner rather than later before it spirals. There’s also a mantra I like to keep in mind when I feel overly self concious “those that mind don’t matter, those that matter don’t mind”

    • andros_rex@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      7·
      15 days ago

      I’m fine with my visual appearance. It’s more that I have odd body posture/movements. My therapist has confirmed some of this.

      I’m just a strange person in a place where strange isn’t welcome I guess. I’ve had things spiral before - there were periods where I wasn’t able to leave the house at all.

      • ReanuKeeves@lemm.eeEnglish
        5·
        15 days ago

        Understandable and I’m glad you already talk to a therapist about this. Can’t really control how others behave so sometimes avoidance is the best option. Hope you figure your way through this and get to enjoy going out with your friends soon!