Today’s the 50th day since I returned and found all the damage and theft of my belongings. They’ve just about all been replaced now, there’s a couple of cables I’ve noticed missing, and one of the replacement things didn’t include a cable, but that’s about it.

They installed that gate thingy, but forgot to get the parts they need to make it actually work. It’s on un-detachable gears and pulleys, so it’s basically stuck open and doesn’t do anything. They measured all the door frames (most of them are cracked from where he fucked around with the locks), but apparently the tradie man forgot how to measure properly, so he came to redo it today.

ALLEGEDLY someone will be out to install new door frames and such tomorrow, but there’s probably no guarantees on that. They seem confused about if that’s actually happening or not. Apparently they’re installing proper security cameras tomorrow, and apparently on Friday the locksmith will come past to fix the shed lock.

AFAIK the deadbolt for the front door was knocked back, but it’s not that bad I suppose as the screen door essentially functions as an external deadbolt. I always lock that, so it’s fine. I’m worried that once that change the doors and door frames though, they’ll also change the locks to shitty ones that locksmith referred to as “night locks”. They’re easily opened by shimmering a butter knife down the side, or honestly even giving it a firm shoulder (it doesn’t even damages the lock, because it barely sits in there!). Don’t know what in house safety that’ll leave me, except to hope and prey they don’t move another drop kick in.

The program manager has been on “unplanned personal leave” for 2 or 3 weeks at this point. Not sure what’s happened, she was just here one day and then hasn’t come back since. The “case management practitioner supervisor” has been talking at me a lot. She gives kind of assistant manager vibes. Doesn’t have a whole lot of say in anything, so compensates by having little ego and power trips. The bloke above her, the regional manager, doesn’t seem that bad kind of, he’s so far maintained a professional demeanor with me, but he’s not too keen on doing very much and acts a lot more like a penny pinching CEO than anything else.

The org case manager took an “unplanned half day” on Monday, and no showed to a meeting we had scheduled. I, along with the 11 other people attending the meeting, just had to chill in the teams waiting room (which I super wish allowed cross-attendee conversations), and after about 15 minutes I ended up being the one to tell everyone the meeting had been cancelled and telling them they could leave. Even though I wasn’t running the damn thing.

On the DL, it seems that most of my care team and workers are all pretty pissed about the way things are running. Apparently they cancelled another meeting a week prior with 15 minutes notice.

I took to calling the “case management practitioner supervisor” (who seems to do more than supervise, and is temporarily program managing too), every single day about the security gate and other arrangements. I’m super pissed about it, it feels like they’ve kind of relegated my safety to concern number #45. There’s still no active protection keeping me safe, and I’m still here on my own. It also feels horrific that the other dude seems to get off on intimidation more than anything else, and nothing’s actually been done to stop that. The cops haven’t followed up about him tearing up the lawn, or the theft and damage, the gate is still non functional, the gate still doesn’t have a lock (besides my unapproved padlocks).

I still freak out and spiral into a panic everytime I hear a particularly loud motorcycle, and I check my cameras at every noise. I still have a constant fear that he’s somehow inside the house, and I still wake up at 2 or 3am in a sweat with a looming sense of terror that somebody is standing over me.

In the last couple of weeks, I seem to have a lot of repressed rage that sometimes bubbles up. I’m usually able to keep it repressed, but every couple of days, something minor seeming will happen and ploop I’m in a blind rage. That was the main reason for taking my Lemmy break, I don’t want to run the risk of that happening on some unsuspecting soul here. I’m seeing a psych weekly (her suggestion + child protection is paying the gap, and will pick up the rest of the costs for 6 months until I turn 18). It’s helping, but the primary focus has been on other things, with this as secondary.

Tafe has been a useful distraction. Being completely dumbfounded about how their LMS works, and how different it is from high school has been a useful distraction from everything else. Besides that, I’ve been trying to throw myself into my projects, but some of them just annoyed me too much so I temporarily gave up.