• Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    shoots @Fester@lemm.ee in the head with a gun

    What? Is that not what he meant at the end??? Jeez…shoulda told me! This is America. We solve simple problems with guns.

    cat outside is crying

    pulls out gun

    uses gun to shoot the dialpad on the phone

    Yes, hello? Hi, there’s a stray cat outside. Can you send someone to collect and bring her to a non-kill shelter? Ok, thanks. Bye.

    …what did you THINK I was going to do with the gun?

    Aw hell. These two kids are going to have a foot race. Now I COULD signal the start of this race with a whistle, but I think we all know where this is going…

    reaches for the gun

    On your mark…

    Get set…

    shoots Jimmy in the knee

    blows whistle GO!!!

    C’mon Billy! Run! I Nancy Kerrigan’d him! You have the advantage! I put money on this race!!! DON’T FUCK ME OVER BILLY!!! NO, DON’T TEND TO JIMMY!!! WHY ARE YOU CRYING??? HE’S THE ONE WHO GOT SHOT!!! RUUUUUUUUUUN!!!