Hey, I have a moral question.
If my boyfriend (25yo) shows me a photo of him as a kid, and asks me “Was I cute?” What is the appropriate response?
Of course my boyfriend is so cute, but saying that him as a kid was cute is inappropriate? Just because he was like 12yo in that picture?
Where is the line here? I usually refuse to have opinions on kids appearances because usually I have none, and I don’t know if saying that a kid looks “cute” is creepy.
Absolutely fine to say your partner was a cute kid. Nothing creepy at all.
Saying something like “Got any nudes of you at that age?” Now that would be fucking creepy.
Cuteness has nothing to do with sexual attraction. Loads of things are cute. Kittens, puppies, red pandas, baby ducks are some examples of cute things. Basically anything that makes you go “aww” is cute.
If he was asking if you thought he was hot as a kid, that would be weird and you would be right to feel like that is inappropriate.
Right, so…we’re not supposed to trying to seduce trash pandas or baby ducks?
Just want to make sure before I do something I might regret.
You are so paranoid, saying a kid looks cute is not tantamount to wanting to sexually abuse them
I agree with your point, but the tone of your post strikes me as inappropriate for this particular community
Sorry. How would you have me amend it?
No need to worry. There is nothing creepy about saying a kid is cute.
Oh, no worries at all! Your post doesn’t strike me as malicious at all. Just seems like we should be especially concerned with making the OPs feel “stupid” here :)
So it seems like you have 2 main points in your post (1 OP is overly worried, 2 sexual abuse is the real concern), so keeping both but with a more neutral tone:
You should not be worried about saying that a kid looks cute. The real concern that you’re hinting at with behavior toward children is anything that connotes sexual abuse, and the comment “that is a cute kid” is very different from that.
Or you could go for a positive tone:
You have nothing to worry about! Saying a kid looks cute is very different from sexualizing them.
Basically any response that doesn’t include your desire to have birthed them, molest them, or eat them, should be fine.
Also don’t ask them for a copy
Even this isn’t weird, though. I had an ex who wanted one of my childhood pictures–she had it in a little locket.
If someone says a kitten is cute, do you assume it means they’re sexually attracted to it?
You might be overthinking it a little. I think kittens are cute, but that does not mean I want to fuck kittens. Cute ≠ sexual attraction.
In fact, originally the word wasn’t even used that way.
Did anyone else read the title and think this was going to be about telling a little white lie because the bf was not a cute child?
Yeah…
To OP, most kids look like some version of Elmer Fudd. My husband was a fat little shit as a baby/young child (he’s tall and skinny now). I poke fun at him for it, a lot. Just like he pokes fun at me for looking exactly like Monchichi as a young kid.
“If 12 year old me knew 12 year old you, she totally would have had a crush on you.”
Do you think kittens are cute?
Do you want to fuck them?
No?
Then there’s nothing wrong with calling cute things cute because “cute” and “sexual” are not the same word or concept.
I don’t think it’s any different from saying that your newborn is cute or someone’s toddler is a cute kid. It has nothing to do with sexual attraction to the child. Now, I don’t know if your BF is looking for sexual attraction to his younger self. I’d suggest asking probing questions as to the answer he’s looking for. Communication is key to any and all relationships
To me, the issue isn’t that you confirming he was cute is inappropriate. As others have stated, kittens are cute, babies are cute, etc, etc. What I find weird is why is he even asking? Why does he care about whether or not you think he was cute at that age? I’ve shown pics of myself to partners plenty of times and never have I asked them “Was I cute?” Why does he need this type of approval from you on a topic that’s irrelevant (he is no longer a child)?
I always remind him that he is cute, it was some playful question, he has a little bit of a goofy personality that I like a lot. He also does many random things. This was some random question, but I didn’t really know how to respond.
“I’m not a paedo.”
I’m not, just my BF asked me the question while he was looking at his younger pictures, and I didn’t know what to say.
OK, serious response then - you seem to be confusing sexual attraction with the adorability of children.
As long as your reply isn’t “well I’d smash that!” then you should be fine. Acceptable answers include: “who knew that kid would grow up to be such a spicy meatball as your good self” and “you look adorable” and “I’m glad you outgrew those ears/teeth” (delete where applicable).
You seem to be familiar with only one narrow meaning of that word, while the word means different things and later the meaning that implies sexual attractiveness was added recently and many dictionaries don’t even have that definition.
Cute, fine. Hot, no.
Would you tell a 12 year old kid if they were cute?
I don’t think so, I don’t talk to children in general. Every interaction with children always feels like walking on eggshells so I just say Hi, and stick to common courtesy. I just don’t know how to talk to them.
And I think that this is the crux of the weirdness. It isn’t strange for people in general to say it, but it is for you. And that is fine.
However, I can see that being hard to explain to someone.
