Granted. Your house grows arms from the walls, floor and ceiling and cleans itself. The arms don’t go away, and they’re seriously creepy.

Granted. You are now half an inch tall and live inside a human being who showers daily.

It grows a tongue and cleans itself like a cat.

Granted. Being truly clean will of course demand sterilization. As part of a daily cleaning cycle the house seals itself and becomes an autoclave. The building becomes pressurized and the temperature is raised to 270 degrees fahrenheit for 20 minutes. You’ll probably wanna be gone when it happens.

The house now excretes all rubbish out the back, which needs to be shoveled into bags.

It will need regular trips to the vet.

It will always miss a spot. Different each time so you don’t always know where to find it.