Genuinely can’t figure out how other people develop active social lives. The most common advice I get is to look on Meetup, but I found pretty much one group and while I had fun, halfway through the event they started making fun of liberals for not having friends. I’m genderqueer so that ain’t gonna work out. Everything else on Meetup is scientology garbage.
I go out and do things on my own and try to be open to people who approach me, but on the rare occasion someone wants to talk to me it’s because they’re horny and they’ve mistaken me for a straight woman. I can be out in the mud picking up litter and someone will strike up a conversation about the environment, something I’m interested in, and it turns out it’s because they think I’m doing this to get the D.
I’m getting crazy bored. Does everyone just work a 9-5 and then go home alone? Except for when they have sex with the occasional random straight man??
I imagine it’s easier in cities. I’m lucky i already have friends, living in a dying little town like mine leaves you with nowhere to hang out at, let alone meet new people.
Find an activity. Softball, soccer, whatever. Grown adults get together to play kickball.
Doesn’t matter if you aren’t good at it, people like to help teach newbies.
Volleyball and pickleball have robust adult communities in most places. And you don’t even have to be good! The point is usually to mingle and drink.
Does everyone just work a 9-5 and then go home alone?
It seems like it, since the pandemic, with “alone” meaning to an existing spouse in some cases. Although I am talking more about a shifting along the spectrum than a hard rule.
Hopefully others here will have some actual advice that may help, but in the meantime if it helps to hear a quick response then here is some meta-commentary.:-)
I think most people are just waiting for things to return to “normal”. So like until a few months the people were waiting to see who would win the election - remember there were calls for a literal, bloody, violent upheaval of all society (though none of us were quite sure how seriously we needed to pay attention to those?).
And now we’re past the “election” so waiting to see what happens next. Like, are you going to be okay presenting as not-… well… conservative? Should we all buy MAGA hats to wear, if doing so will save our lives, or would we rather accept whatever comes our way regardless?
Read books. Watch TV. Stay alive and safe. And yeah, find friends when you can:-). You’ve got the right idea I think - hobbies, maybe take a class, perhaps do an improv, just keep looking for what may work. You got this.:-) You may be alone, but that’s what you share in common with us all… together? :-P
Picking up litter is good - thank you. Also thanks for asking the question. I think a lot of people may be just home alone and not like Kevin.
The most common advice I get is to look on Meetup, but I found pretty much one group and while I had fun, halfway through the event they started making fun of liberals for not having friends
Try again!
Does everyone just work a 9-5 and then go home alone?
Most people (not me) go home to their families and spend time with them. Or people they know from work. They’re not out socializing and meeting random new people all the time.
Except for when they have sex with the occasional random straight man??
I think they only do this on TV.
If you want to share what city you live in, maybe someone can make some suggestions or take you out to their group? Ask them to introduce you to some of their friends.
Try again!
I’ve been lurking on Meetup for multiple years just due to most groups not working with my work schedule. There really isn’t much around here, most of it is either overtly religious or they bury the lede that it’s about scientology. I’m totally open to trying new ways to meet people, but Meetup ain’t the proper channel for me, I don’t think.
Most people (not me) go home to their families and spend time with them. Or people they know from work. They’re not out socializing and meeting random new people all the time.
That’s fair. I never started a family, I’m not exactly good at finding companionship. And most of my coworkers are straight and have kids to go home to, so we don’t really socialize outside of work.
If you want to share what city you live in, maybe someone can make some suggestions or take you out to their group? Ask them to introduce you to some of their friends.
I appreciate the suggestion but I think I’d basically be doxxing myself, lol. Not a very big place. 😭
Well what do you like to do?
Have you considered volunteering? Like, in an official capacity?
Also please consider sending a message to the admin of whatever that community was and let them know the members made you uncomfortable and you won’t be returning.
I think it may take some time and some effort to find your “tribe”.
Im older and married so I have more aquantances than friends now but most of my friends come from activities and hobbies. I live in a major metro area though so like there are groups that get together and pick up litter in a park and you can pretty much choose any activity and there is some group doing it. Like I could join a maker space which has both tech people and crafty people and such.
Straight man with majourity woman friends here.
I haven’t slept with any of them excepting my fiancée and your post has me introspecting. As long as I am in a monogamous relationship I won’t sleep with them excepting my fiancée. Which is equivalent to saying I won’t sleep with any of them, and don’t want to sleep with any of them.
That said, hypothetically, there’s not one I wouldn’t engage in a physical relationship, were the only difference to be that I’m single. Though in that world I wouldn’t be actively pursuing any of my friends so it still wouldn’t happen.
I’ve been thinking about it. It’s no secret that I’m one of the hornier ones of the group and that’s always been true. So why are these women happy to be my friend? I’m clearly not giving off “vibes” despite my general filth… I dunno.
I don’t really have advice for you. Society is kind of set up this way that looking for relationships, of any kinds, starts the same sort of way. “Go to places with common interest, meet people with common intrest” is the advice for friends, and romantic partners alike. My romantic relationship started by doing just that: a motorcycle meet.
My platonic friends though all are/were colleagues of myself/someone in the group. It started with house warmings, then dinner parties now meet regularly to go places and do things. New invitees to the group are welcome to the next thing we’re doing.
