I should have studied AI and ML during university, now I am too tired and traumatized (by reading OCD) to even bother so I will probably remain an unemployed husk for the forseeable future. I just don’t have that ability to chase the correct opportunities you need to succeed in capitalism even though I might have had the potential to achieve something

What about when you feel so bad that venting constantly to your loved ones will eventually tire them out and alienate them? Everyone has their limits, especially when the one who is constantly offloading their suffering onto you is a loved one. Therapists are good for that purpose imo, they don’t love you and are trained to converse with you effectively about these matters, especially if you are mentally ill (most people who go to therapists are how you describe probably, but there is a chance I would have OCD + BPD even outside capitalism if another trigger like the death of a loved one came to pass)

I hate practicing psychiatrists more than the science itself tbh, many medications are really useful for those who need them but even “good” doctors don’t know about interactions between the meds, gloss over side effects that you might experience etc

I am tired of having to be high on pregabalin (I am right now even) to cope with the job search and the resulting storm of emotions inside me. At least I am progressing through the Higurashi VN and I really like it so far so I have something to look forward to.

I have some vegan recipes here (you have to dice the veggies in most of them but you can also use a blender to make it easier):

https://www.mjandhungryman.com/vegetarian-mexican-lentils/

https://minimalistbaker.com/easy-chana-masala/

https://rainbowplantlife.com/10-ingredient-vegan-red-lentil-bolognese/

Just follow the instructions and it will be fine, you just put the ingredients into a pot and cook them

It’s probably due to the common perception that reading excessively damages your eyesight

Not a parent either but I played with my younger siblings as a child so I remember what I did. You could try making a simple storyline with heroes and villains and act it out with your kid using the figures (if you don’t remember how, tap into the kids’ shows you liked as a child yourself). Just go ham acting the various characters (your kid will be one of the good guys probably), you might start enjoying it yourself

Maybe host not as many US military bases full of people whose job it is to kill Chinese people

Not sure if they got a choice in this matter, they are pretty much occupied since WW2

Maybe it is a stretch ngnl, but

Fucking idiot, of course POCD exists as well. You can have OCD about anything, why wouldn’t you be able to have it about being a pedo?

I refused to play Magic despite my best friend’s constant pestering (I was a yu-gi-oh head), but now I am building my own commander deck and it is really fun despite it being crossover slop now

Sci-Fi

• Neon Genesis Evangelion
• Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
• Gunbuster
• Code Geass
• Cyberpunk Edgerunners
• Space Dandy
• Steins;Gate

Fantasy

• Shin Sekai Yori
• Fullmetal Alchemist (2003, skip the movie and Brotherhood is also good technically but it has extremely lib politics bordering on fash imo)
• Katanagatari
• Puella Magi Madoka Magica
• Mob Psycho 100

Drama

• Death Parade
• Kaiji
• Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu
• Ping-Pong the Animation
• The Tatami Galaxy
• Welcome to the NHK

Slice of Life

• Azumanga Daioh
• The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
• Hinamatsuri
• The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

During my studies I specialized in low-level programming because that’s what I found interesting and that’s what most of our software profs were blabbering about, but most jobs are for web development so I am pretty much unemployable. FFS I don’t even care about making a shitton of money or buying a house, I just need a job where I will not want to kill myself everyday and be able to have some fun once in a while. I have OCD+ADHD+autism+BPD, how the fuck am I supposed to pivot into something new when I can’t focus or motivate myself and even if I do, I just waste tons of time repeating the same information again and again due to OCD. Even if I get hired again somehow, I will probably quit 1 year in again due to the pressure. This is too much for even a neurotypical without mental illnesses, how tf should I cope

Sorry for the rant but I feel like I am losing it

My therapist told me point blank that I have BPD and although I seem to be much more self-aware than other sufferers, it has caused damage to my relationship. I feel like a monster now, I know that therapy will help and things will only get better but I can’t help but think of the harm I have already caused due to not knowing which of my behaviors are normal or not and feel guilty af. I truly love my gf, I hope that I can salvage it somehow

I think you are on to something. It seems that I prefer the lack of emotional and thematic subtlety in my faves, it just seems more genuine I guess

How do you stop being ashamed of your shit media taste? Like, I watch an incredible movie such as Mulholland Dr. or Cinema Paradiso, I feel things, I recognize them as masterpieces, but they don’t stay in my soul if that makes sense, while inferior media such as anime or tokusatsu shows just affect me more. I shouldn’t care this much about this, but I am always self-conscious about this and I don’t know why it is so fucking weird.

I will use the template in the OP.

Manga

I read My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, and while I don’t really like biographical and auto-biographical works this one was good and very relatable, since it deals with issues such as unemployment, eating disorders, depression, neurodivergance etc. 8/10

Anime

I watched the OVA/movie Patlabor canon (excluding the 2002 movie which wasn’t directed by Mamoru Oshii). The OVA was cute and fun, the first movie bored me to tears with a non-existent antagonist with inexplicable motivations, and while the second movie was good, the political themes don’t register as something that interesting when you have been a communist for years. I took an interest in this series because I heard that the creators were leftists, but I get the impression that they were closer to being radlibs with incoherent beliefs about the police, military etc. I want to watch the TV series eventually, it seems like it is closer to the OVA in tone. 7.4/10

Visual Novels

I read Saya no Uta. It’s absolutely a pedo fanservice game, but it is very well written, creative and disturbing in a very good way, I just wish the pedo elements didn’t exist so that I could be able to recommend it to more people, I haven’t seen the alienation from the mentally well people in my lives that I feel due to suffering in ways they don’t, as well as the dissociation from society once some truths are realized (communism, anti-imperialism, veganism etc) depicted this well in any other media. 8.6/10

Tokusatsu

I watched Kamen Rider Ryuki. The series has an interesting plot, good action, comedy and characters and is good until the ending which I didn’t like at all due to it invalidating what came before it. However, it felt great to watch something this influential, given that its DNA is in Madoka (as admitted by Gen Urobutchi himself), and it possibly influenced Fate and many other Death Game series as well. 8.2/10

I just feel silent contempt for them. Especially when they talk about animals getting killed for their enjoyment with pure glee on their faces

Around 5kg I think, it’s not much but I take some other medications that probably make me hungrier so the Ozempic has to counteract that. I will try to mitigate the damage as best as I can, thank you for the advice