Mayor Poopington

Go read the directions on a box of jello, my guy

ugh don’t get my hopes up

Probably because most people don’t speak Ukrainian

Sometimes I need food fast

Oh my god you’re right, let me just flip this switch here. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.

Can someone explain like im 5

fetal position in the bathtub, lights off, noize cancelling headphones playing static

Imagine being upset by something as normal as body hair. If I ever have kids I’m keeping them away from you.

“25% of our code was copied off of GitHub”

I don’t think either of you will be able to smell each other because eating 2000 lbs of garlic will surely kill you.

MORE WEIGHT

Well that was quite a read. Margaret Thatcher?? Even I have standards. The Onion couldn’t top this court case.

Next you’re going to tell me French fries arent from France

They laugh, but you never know when you may need a deep cycle marine battery

Scissors really revolutionized clothing when everyone realized they didn’t have to wear the whole sheep

Not entirely true. A number of them are definitely spam, but there are many organizations that do text outreach and there is definitely a person at the other end. They will remove you from their lists if you reply with stop.

That one guy is pitching in $5 so now Google owes $10,779,224,060,605,346,999,999,999,999,999,995

These organizations trade phone lists, kind of like what telemarketers do. Sometimes the lists can be outdated. Unfortunately replying “stop” to each one is the only way that’s going to slow it down.

Woah that’s not Jennifer Lawrence that’s a perfectly formed 256 man Macedonian phalanx

Can I have some? Im pretty good at the environment