So there I was, sitting on an ammo can, in Iraq. I actually didn’t know it was that day until we had to write down a record of rounds expended.

I invited 20 people for my 40th birthday.
3 showed up.
My wife ate too much dough while she baked weed brownies and fell asleep right before the guests arrived.

So me and my best friends sat around the table and ate a bag of chips, I was the only one to drink alcohol, no one touched the huge amount of food I made, and from upstairs we could hear my wife snoring.

I was circumcised

My mother told me that I was ruining my birthday because I didn’t want to blow out candles or have singing.

Party was cancelled because my grandpa died

My ex finally admitted she’d been carrying on a relationship on the side, in case it didn’t work out with me (her reasoning). She admitted it’d been much more than she claimed, she’d even met his parents, etc. After confessing, she started self-harming (hitting herself in face repeatedly for awhile) in front of me. I called 911, very quickly realizing I might be in that scene from Fear/It’s Always Sunny and that this could go very, very badly for me.

Police showed up (~4:00 AM), shining flashlights into windows, waking up my Mormon landlords upstairs.

Thankfully, she sent the police away without incident/my involvement, then left shortly thereafter. She texted around 10 AM that she’d bought me a massage as a birthday gift, which was timely and welcome. She never showed her face again until I ran into her at a birthday party maybe 6-9 months later. Next I heard, she had shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.

Those are the main highlights, anyway.

I met a guy online, and we arranged to meet up for our 1st date. It went well, and during it we exchanged birthdates. Mine was the next week, so he said he’s take me out for my birthday!

The day arrives, we meet up at the same place, and after my inquiry he says we’re to a New Mexican restaurant for dinner, then to a Country & Western bar a few blocks away for some dancing. Well All RIGHT! (I did tell him I didn’t know how/hadn’t been before, but was willing to give it a go.)

At the end of dinner he asks the waiter for separate checks. I look puzzled, and he asks why. “Well, it’s a little unusual to be taken out for your birthday and have to split the check…”

“Oh, I forgot it’s your birthday. I don’t have enough money to cover this.” So I end up paying for my meal.

Tip: If this happens to you end that date immediately! I don’t, so we continue the date and go dancing.

Turns out he doesn’t like line dancing, and doesn’t lead, so he won’t line dance with me trying to learn to line dance. We have one regular dance together, which he ends mid-song, because I’m not leading right.

For the rest of the ‘date’ I get to sit there, buying my own drinks, watching him dance with others, and having drinks bought for him by those others.

I went home alone after a few miserable hours…

On my 18th birthday I was homeless and living in a truck.

But it was okay cuz I was out of a terribly abusive situation and my mental health was improving.

And I went to my friend’s house only to find out that they had all been arrested for robbing a McDonald’s.

Truth is, I had known about the robbery after the fact, they had told me about it two days before my birthday.

I had cautioned my friends that they should not go out and spend the money they had stolen right away, if their activities change and it made them look suspicious, it increased their chances of getting caught.

This was a small time deal, they each got like $600.

They went out the very next day and blew it all.

They were arrested that night after the detective that McDonald’s had hired to follow them kept track of all of their purchases and showed up at their door with the police in tow.

It’s so pathetic it still makes me cringe.

So anyway I spent my birthday alone in my truck. It made me sad because you know that was the day I officially became an adult and all these years later I’m kind of still alone so I guess maybe it set a bad precedent that I could not overcome.

I was born.

Assaulted and held hostage for a week in my own apartment, causing me serious injuries and eventual homelessness.

I got an analogue watch instead of the cool futuristic digital watch I wanted, so I cried. After reading the rest of the responses I feel very very fortunate

It was my 21st. I was new to my city and really only had one friend there at the time. He said he would take me out, we’d have a blast. He took me to a house party and ditched me almost immediately. Turns out he wanted to hook up at the party, left me for 2 hours, and then told me that it would just be a bit longer. They go upstairs, and they keep going until 2am. He was my ride home, and this was before uber.

Got randomly grabbed by the arm by some guy as he started shouting to me about my tattoos and wouldn’t let me go until he finished his drunken ramble. I think he was a tourist for some sort of local football game. Worst part? My “friends” did fuck all, just kept walking, high as shit on ketamine I really didn’t want us to do that day (and myself abstained from). They’re not my friends anymore. I don’t think they ever were. Fuck them.

I spent my ninth birthday at a funeral home because my grandfather died two days earlier.

NOTHING.