Hi, thank you for this, I appreciate/enjoy nutrition, fitness, etc. No GI illnesses, but have heard about the connection between brain and GI tract, e.g., serotonin production. Have attempted elimination before for my migraines, not sure how aggressive your elimination was for your condition but the elimination criteria for potential migraine triggers is very aggressive so I’ve only successfully tested a couple foods/groups. No effect on mood/pain that I noticed from just those ones, but still have more to try when I’m able. Generally feel at my best when I’m eating what’s in line with my health values/knowledge. Wishing you well with your new doctor, chronic illness is a solidly thumbs-down experience and a good physician can make it so much less so

Thank you, I appreciate this. Far from BS.

Re: age, could see it being related to changes over the past several years. Nothing spectacular though, I had the opportunity to ease into a lot of adulthood. Now that I’m here though, I thought I’d have the motivation, means, and understanding to fix it all. Even reaching well back into childhood, I can’t recall a time when I wasn’t constantly on edge or sad/overwhelmed/the like. It was always considered sensitivity or just being a kid. Fast-forward and I’m still this way to a debilitating degree. I can’t pinpoint anything external and I think it frustrates me to have to look internally when it’s always been such as wreck in there.

Current goal is to walk around the block. After that to walk to store a few minutes away for groceries. (Agoraphobia is a menace). I set a deadline for the end of this month to keep in line with SMART standards (admittedly, not the first deadline I’ve set for it).

You’re right about imposing. At a certain point that’s just part of being a social being, I wouldn’t even call it imposing if it was anyone doing it but myself (I’ll sigh at that statement for you, I know it’s hypocritical). Maybe I thought shame would stop me from doing the wrong things, even though I’m well aware it’s been shown to not help. Second sigh.

Thank you, I’d say this is in line with what I probably need to hear. I wasn’t clear on a lot of it because I didn’t feel confident anything would happen with it. I was incorrect and also unprepared.

I’m not proud of the way I’ve acted to people who have been kind or helpful in the past, especially people I am or was really close to. Your assumption re: distance/isolation is indeed applicable, though I’d say it’s more how I went about doing it that still stings.

Similar re: marriage and parenthood, it’s not about age, more that I’m not sure I’ll ever be well/stable enough to reasonably do or feel right with doing them, given how long I’ve done or felt problematic things to problematic degrees. It’s a worry I really only apply to me, my faith in other people succeeding themselves is unexpectedly high somehow/it’s not my place to decide for anyone else what is or isn’t “realistic”. I just don’t know if it’s realistic for me.

Re: metaphor/world, sigh, tell me about it

I’m sorry in return, especially that you can describe it so well. It’s hellish. The cat analogy is too appropriate for this. Exhausting, maddening, and infinitely miserable.

I’m sorry in return, especially that you can describe it so well. It’s hellish. The cat analogy is too appropriate for this. Exhausting, maddening, and infinitely miserable.

You described it both on the dot and poetically, no projections. Thank you. A lot of physical pain comes with the emotional for me as well, maybe you can attest to the same. I’m sorry you understand it so well : /

Re friends, I should prob clarify this person has never called me a bad friend, it’s an assessment I have of myself. That part was more about something they said in honesty, not malice. They were pointing out that tend to cut others off out of fear instead (this is documented behavior of mine, unfortunately) and need to stop giving so much energy to the past (this is also true) and see the good in myself. I just don’t think I quite described it properly, please pardon me for that.

Just realized you may have meant something about my assessment of myself with the friends part, if so ignore above and consider the spirit of the statement appreciated and implemented.

Thank you for responding, this does help. Am also very stubborn, but can appreciate the value of patience and trying. At least philosophically and pragmatically. Just need to practice instead of giving up because I’m feeling some flavor of sad. It’s not like my emotions are always this overpowering or intense, but at some point I think I stopped trying to manage them and instead just isolated, so I wouldn’t feel so much shame about it or hurt other people. So step one is to try at something small and not overthink or overfeel it.

Hi, thank you, I appreciate this. What kinds of skills or interests have you explored? I’ve entertained getting involved in some sort of advocacy, but my skills are more behind the scenes (like writing). I used to volunteer as a slush reader and have also considered returning to that again. Searching groups also added to agenda.

Was in a bit of an intense frame of mind when I wrote the post originally, most of the time I want to act positively/constructively but keep stopping myself. Hearing it from others pushes me more than I can push me in this arena it seems. (Second thanks)