The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.
Non-joke response: be true to yourself. OP is fine for liking anime and video games, their date is fine for disliking the same. But don’t feel like either one should change or hide themself whether for a single date, or even their “one true soulmate”! Either scenario is not a lasting strategy. Find someone who likes you for you, even if it’s difficult and takes time…
if i were to guess, i’d say that for people it’s not a problem with those hobbies in particular, but rather with the fact that the question implies you to say the most exciting things you do in a free time, therefore if you answer “anime and playing games” they consider you boring and uninitiative.
Idk “what are your hobbies” sometimes means “what do you do after work” and sometimes it means “what do you love to do when you can scrape together the time, money, and energy?”
If you’re not a normie, don’t match with hardcore normies. Usually it’s pretty easy to tell.
Yeah, OP dodged a bullet here.
As someone who is a bit older than the average 4chan user, but used 4chan when I was that age: don’t change your hobbies for
a girl/boyanother person.I get the reason people think this way - but you’ll never be able to hide who you truly are. Find someone who likes you for who you truly are.
And no, not showering isn’t who you truly are. Shower.
Keep in mind this is a 4chan green text, so the faux pas may have been mentioning Boku No Pico or something less innocent than “anime”
It’s not necessarily about “changing who you are,” it can be about the way you express those hobbies. Some people are definitely unfairly biased against video games and anime, but some people have encountered people who explore those hobbies in an unhealthy way.
Eg, when I am dating, I do avoid people who list gaming as their primary interest, even as a gamer myself. I might message someone who has a particular game I like mentioned in their profile, but rarely. Having gaming and anime listed primarily/only just has not been a good indicator - especially when it is left as generic as “gaming” and “anime.” Balder’s Gate 3 is normie-af and I doubt was the problem.
They can be very isolating hobbies too in how they are pursued - sometimes as a form of escapism for deeper issues. I wasted most of my twenties being a bang maid and mommy for my husband as he rotated through FIFA and Ubisoft releases, and I don’t think my experience is necessarily unique. He had a pastor who almost went through a divorce because of a World of Warcraft addiction. That’s the kind of thing that’s going to flash through most heterosexual women’s minds. It is painful to come home after work to a grunt and a pile of dishes and the flash of the screen. This is not to say that all or most gamers are like this - but if you do game and have a partner, you should sit and think to yourself about how it does relate to the time spent on other types of hobbies.
Another aspect is that receptive/passive hobbies can be less interesting to talk about? Listening to someone rehash a show is usually going to be less interesting then watching the show. Remember that a first date especially needs to have a lot of push and pull. If they haven’t watched the show, a brief this is what it is this is why I like it, what shows do you like? With games, try to find out what games they like first and match their power level. The Sims and farming games are safe and common - and if you make someone feel comfortable by listening to them talk about their Sims legacy challenge, you can talk about the benefits of your Smash main.
But also, the technical aspects of someone else’s hobby are just not something that most will want to listen to, without already having a connection. I’d love if I could make genitals flush by showing off my Hush runs or the fact that one time in Nethack I actually got a character through the mines and to the castle.
don’t change your hobbies for a girl/boy.
Change yourself for the enbies is what I’m hearing?
Yes.
But for real I have fixed it
Was meant playfully but nice to be inclusive too!
Be the best version of yourself.
Best version showers and wears deodorant.
This feels like you’re just rephrasing “don’t watch anime”
And use soap
I feel like hiding/changing self is oftentimes easier than finding someone who likes one as-is. Most people are quite stereotyped and prefers being normal.
“Easier” is a copout in the long term if you’re giving up your happiness for someone else. “Normal” is a spectrum and not absolute.
I get it though - loneliness sucks arse. For plenty of people desperation makes them want to make radical changes. I promise though that a lot of people who get stuck thinking they’ll only have one opportunity at happiness are wrong
Dunno how it is “giving up happiness”, when one is (typically) unhappy in the first place.
About normal - what do you mean by “normal is spectrum”? I do not understand what you mean by that. As far as I have seen, there is an socially established concept of “being normal”, that 99% of people agree upon and go by.
They might only be unhappy with one thing; their romantic relationships. If they trade one happiness for another have they gained anything?
When I say normal is a spectrum - I mean that normalcy has trade offs, you can be well groomed, well mannered, good job, friends, exercise etc. then have a unique hobby like anime or collecting stamps or some obscure sport, but does that make you abnormal? I’d say that any reasonable person should see you as normal, and those who don’t are themselves abnormal.
You aren’t wrong that normal is a set of social expectations, but no one fits one mold, there’s still uniqueness in people, otherwise we’d be incredibly boring (and that is not normal)
Hmm, I guess we are living in completely different culture. But you are right in that hobby itself does not make one abnormal, usually.
Hmm, now said that, having anime as a hobby does make one seem abnormal over here. Similar for any non-mainstream games.
Pro tip: if this is your date’s reaction to your honest self then it was never gonna work out. You’re better off ditching their dead weight and moving on.
Yup, better to dodge a bullet on the first date than to catch it when you’re emotionally invested.
If she doesn’t like those things she’s not worth bothering with. Keep looking.
Nah, it doesn’t matter if she likes those things or not. It’s about whether or not she supports you having hobbies/interests that she doesn’t share.
Exactly. You’re never going to share 100% of your interests with a person, but you can still listen to them when they talk about the interests you don’t share. Anon’s date was a jerk for not even trying to engage with anon’s interests.
I mean… Did they not say what their hobbies were before they met? How do you go on a date with someone without knowing anything about them?
Some people go on dates to learn more about people.
But, if any of this story actually happened (which it didn’t, but I’m sure has happened), I agree anyone so petty as to decide anime and video games is wrong for a young person…would want to do more homework before wasting their time.
Or maybe just wanted free coffee.
maybe just wanted free coffee. Better a $2-3 coffee than a $20+ dinner
I def agree about the level of happened that is going on here, but in defense of this fictional date: while it’s not always good to judge a book by its cover…if I’m being honest with myself, I’d have a certain image in mind and a certain reaction if I met someone at a party and just in conversation, not even a date, asked what they were into and the response was “anime and one specific video game”.
I mean, I wouldn’t stop talking to them, but I’d certainly have preconceived notions that I’d be very surprised if they were very inaccurate.
And it’s not so much that it’s wrong, as that it gives me insight into the type of person I’m talking to. And honestly, if I were looking to date, and this person matched my preferred gender, appearance, etc…well…an answer like that would certainly be a “yellow flag” and a clue that I may not be so compatible with this person, based on others I’ve met with similar interests.
Mind you, it certainly doesn’t justify any rudeness, but it’s a coffee date. She owes OP nothing. And while she could have been nicer, limiting conversation and politely excusing herself at her earliest convenience isn’t the worst thing she could’ve done.
Probably didn’t have them on the app profile. She liked how he looked, and he may have approached her profile/responded to her message, in a way that socially acceptable to her, and nothing on his profile was a red flag to what she was looking for, so she agreed to meet him for coffee. Then, upon being told his hobbies are watching anime, and he has playing a video game, she lost interest, not what she was looking for though he was otherwise acceptable.
This is why people fail at dating and relationships. They look at it like fishing- that your goal is to tempt a big fish into biting. That is wrong. Dating is a SEARCH. In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics. You aren’t trying to persuade the first one you see to like you, you’re trying to find the one who already likes you but doesn’t know it yet because they haven’t met you. The person you are compatible with will like you for who you are. So when this girl rejects him because she doesn’t like anime, he should not take that as a personal failing. He should smile and say okay on to the next one.
And if you’re into stuff like anime put that shit in your profile. That will attract the right people and screen out the wrong ones. That’s not ‘making a bad impression’, the people for whom anime is a turn off are people who you wouldn’t want anyway if you are an anime fan.
Yeah I’d Anon had asked first and she had replied “Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
“Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
Can’t speak for anon, but TS is more enjoyable than one would expect. I downloaded Eras for my wife, expecting it to be long and boring, and watched the whole damn thing and recommended it to my friends that would not have considered watching it.
Reality TV is fine, get a steam deck and game while they watch it. It’s so scripted you can stay caught up and gasp at the right moments without looking up.
Between 1000 and a few million??? Lmfaoooo
Even if you’re in a massive city, it’s still probably gonna only be like 1000 people out of the total dating pool that you’ll get to maybe meet. And only like 20 of those 1000 would want a second date.
Surely you mean 1% chance of finding 1 out of 1000
You missed the other commenter’s point entirely. They’re referring to the total size of the dating pool and the need to filter that down to something that is both more manageable to interact with and more likely to lead to interactions with interested parties. The goal shouldn’t be “as many dates as possible”, rather “as many potentially compatible dates as possible”. Without winnowing down the size of the potential search group, one would be far less likely to have a meaningful, favorable encounter on any hypothetical date.
In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.
reported for misinformation
lol true.
There are that many women, sure, but 80% are unavailable, then 10% of the rest are MAGA, and of the final amount maybe 1% are actually compatible.Plus they all have kids 😬
All the adverts that I see on my sidebar tell me otherwise
I don’t disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to “catch” another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.
Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can’t always be sparks and magic. (That’s an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)
The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I’m there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.
Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don’t want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.
So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I’m absolutely not first pick. I’m not ugly, I’m about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I’m not super successful, but I’m not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn’t enough.
So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.
All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don’t disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.
That’s a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.
As a gay man, I have a novel solution to the problem.
Ok, but it’s not like it’s a choice to be gay…
it is a choice.
and I make it.
you’re gay now
*poof!*
Getting both uses out of ‘poof’ there
That a gayer version of “your body, my choice?”
Atup. There’s a lotta guys who think dating apps are akin to ordering a woman online and then finessing the edges and they always get ragingly shitful when they find out women are actually people and don’t want that bullshit.
(This is outside of transactional hookups where people just wanna fuck)
There’s a lot of flawed logic on all sides.
And that’s not even accounting for the inherently deeply complex and illogical stuff that goes along with dating too.
When I was actively pursuing online dating years ago, some of my best dates were the one and done dates where we both seemed to know early on that we probably weren’t interested in each other as long term partners but were mature enough to acknowledge that without taking it personally and enjoy a much more relaxed rest of the date. On one of those occasions, my date even suggested that while I wasn’t a good match for her, if I were interested, she’d give her roommate my number, thinking we’d be better.
In the end it never happened, but it just shows that just because one or both halves of a date may not want a second date, that’s not a failing of either one, necessarily.
Anime is such an innocuous interest too though. It’s not like hunting, or veganism, where you may be asking someone to make a big change in their life. If she has a problem with something like that then she’s going to be looking for someone to be with a lot longer than green text guy.
Depends on how old they are. I definitely view anime different from like…a 22 year old. Someone from my generation whose primary interest is anime would be a big old red flag, potential for a full neck beard.
However, this person is not from my generation, so I think you’re right, it seems much more common today.
It’s not necessarily an easy problem to solve. I think the woman should have given him a chance and generally everyone should avoid reacting so strongly to “dealbreakers” on a first date.
That being said, Anon can also consider not bringing up anime and video games right off the bat. It doesn’t mean you can never share this. It may be just fine given more context (you are moderate about it, still open to other things, etc.). We all make snap judgments that we regret later. It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these (barring serious things like hiding if you have a kid).
I’m sorry, but dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason. And dealbreakers aren’t stuff that should be treated like it can be changed easily. Dealbreakers are things like political alignments, interest in having children, marriage and other stuff.
And asking women to give a guy they don’t like “just a chance” has not done anything ever for anyone, seriously. The amount of times I hear about women giving the “weird guy” a second chance has always ended in the guy either seriously overstepping boundaries or taking the later rejection even worse. I have yet to meet a “weird guy” who hasn’t done something seriously heinous later down the line.
And I am certain you didn’t mean it that way, but saying “It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these” makes it sound like you’re advocating for invalidating womens opinions, as if they can’t make decisions for themselves and need help from a man to make the “right” one.
It sounds like you know what I was getting at. I recognize the danger women are up against and ultimately, even for trivial things, dating is a “free market” where everyone is allowed to ditch on a dime. I’ll defend that more strongly than my point above.
I do object to the accusation I’m advocating for men making decisions on behalf of women. I meant my comment to apply for any combination of sexes/genders.
The armchair theory I’m working from here is that the quantity of potential dates provided by online dating has changed the landscape in a way where people are less incentivized to give second chances. That helps some in some situations, hurts others in others. I just wanted to put a thought out there to not stray too far to one extreme of “anything that might correlate with them being a bad date is an immediate dealbreaker, because there are ten thousand other swipes waiting for me”.
Did he put that in his hobbies? That’s like going out with someone who likes hiking and being mad when they mention their favorite trail. Anon dodged a bullet.
The bad ending:
> learn not to talk about anime and gaming
> change hobbies instantly for a woman
> long-term relationship but miserablePros: Having sex.
Cons: Has to know the names of everybody on Love Island.
I feel personally attacked. Love Island is wonderful trash okay? 🤣
Honestly I loved anime growing up but I went on a date with a guy in college who spent the entire date talking about anime in a manner that communicated his big tit fetish on the first date. Like. I would have loved talking about Inuyasha or fma among a few others I remembered really enjoying. But nope. Anime tiddies. So when I read this I’m like… Are you sure it was the anime dude or was it maybe actually something tangentially related to the anime?
Otoh if it really truly was the anime anon dodged a bullet anyway.
This is the problem I’ve encountered. Anime is fine, it’s like any other show/entertainment but it really can attract the wrong type of people. It’s why I don’t put it in my profile. The person I’m seeing has plenty of “horror” stories like yours too and said they avoid people with that in their profile now even though they like it cause of how weird or obsessive people can get about it.
Kinda sucks cause IMO one of the best parts about it is the ability to create other worlds/universes that live action struggles to do. (Think ATLA anime vs Live action)
Ive always felt the same, throughout my life I’ve had dumb asses for friends who would say “oh shit Anon here watches alot of anime” and i feel encouraged to downplay it for fear of being associated with weirdos they may have past experiences with.
Being older now i recognize that would be on them for judging based on a label. I don’t hide that I watch anime, but I cant say I don’t still feel odd talking about it. Especially because its just like any other show to me, its good or it isn’t, I’m not some huge anime person, I just love a good story, i don’t care about the medium.
Maybe anon only watches loli hentai but played it down to ‘anime’.
Any woman that wouldn’t be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn’t be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that’s OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn’t too crazy) and you’ve got a decent chance for something that can last.
Can confirm. My wife is a gamer and we watch anime together. Life is great :)
I think it depends on how OP said it and what exactly they said. There’s a certain type of anime viewer that women (rightfully) are worried to be around. I’m sure this wasn’t the only thing that happened, but when they said anime it confirmed everything she was thinking.
They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.
I think anime is much more “icky” for women than gaming. Gaming has gone fairly mainstream now, but anime is still associated with weirdos
For me it’s more that I wouldn’t want a guy who spent all the free hours we have just sitting in front of a screen. I love me some animation of all sorts, also into comics, and would like a guy into games meaning like a few hours a week, it’s very cool if we don’t like all the same things. But- I watch maybe 3 hours of TV a week total, and only gaming is Pokemon Go while taking a walk. Would just want someone with some more active habits, if everything they liked involved sitting in a dark room that’s not going to be a good match. One thing I like about my husband is that he works out every day, walks the dogs, is active physically.
Sooo true! Every friend I have that has a partner/so has or is playing BG3 together. I love hearing them talk about their adventures and always giggle when they get to the romantic side of things - never any jealousy, just cheering each other on 🤭
Fake: Anon had the courage to talk with a girl
Gay: anime
I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh
I mean have you SEEN Astarion? I’m not straight enough to say no to that!
Shouldn’t your dating profile already mention your interests to avoid this situation?
It probably would but this is completely fake so it didn’t
Damn for 4chan, can’t be bothered to properly flesh out their fantasies
Playing devil’s advocate here:
People also absolutely suck at reading profiles. They skim, see some things they like, and go for it. There’s a terrifying amount who don’t even read, just go based off pictures.
Surely if you only look at the picture you’re only interested to fuck. Openly or deceptively.
Sure, first interactions maybe. But not when they already spoke a bunch and went on a date.
All true, but I stand by my assertion that this particular post is fake and/or gay
I literally had a birthday picnic last sat with a bunch of incredibly attractive and intelligent women who would not shut the fuck up about bg3. Dude lost nothing of value
I was at a house party a couple years ago and had like a 45 minute long conversation about attack on titan with a group of women who did not seem to fit into the anime demographic at all. I didn’t even initiate it. The whole time in my head I was like “wtf is happening right now.”
Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like “all he does is game, hes going no where”. Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.
That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don’t do it as often. Something like “sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays” or “i like to ice fish in the winter” could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn’t necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I’d choose that over gaming for first impressions
Ironically, you’re treating dating like a strategy game. Don’t.
If you have to lie about who you are, you’re gonna get a shit deal
I’ve tried treating it like a MOBA, but I always use my ult too early.
I don’t lie about who I am, i just put forward my more interesting qualities before admiting i play 2 hours of minecraft a day. I also don’t participate in online dating.
I’d also rather a girl recomend we go ice fishing together as a date than play a game online as a date, so i often put forward my hobbies that are easier to do with other people, like mountain biking or going to a rock climbing gym in hopes of finding some common interests we can share in person.
Or you could be me, many hobbies but due to crippling ADHD I’m the only one who cares about them and they don’t all jive well with each other’s stereotypical “group” (like say I enjoy running but also enjoy unhealthy eating, for example). Every woman could VERY easily find a hobby of mine they think is neat, AND one they think is “bad,” and maybe even one we share, but I contain too many multitudes of unfinished thoughts and products to judge me on the one mentioned when put on the spot (cause that’s probably just the project I paused today.)
Embellishing? Its still lieing to imply you mostly do broadly interesting things when you actually play minecraft for two hours a day.
I play rocket league for a few hours a day and I would not be shy to mention that quickly. The person you replied to is right, if you put forward yourself honestly then you might actually find someone who likes you. Girls play minecraft too, in case you weren’t aware.
I’m not embellishing anything. Ice fishing is a hobby I am more interested in and enjoy more than gaming. I have more good stories about ice fishing than I do about gaming. I also find it leaves more potential to further the conversation. Maybe she likes to fish on a boat in the summer, or maybe they have experiences from their childhood ice fishing they want to share.
I am a very outdoors person and I’d like my partner to be the same, so when I meet a potential partner, i like to start by finding out if they have any outdoor passions.
You should probably be upfront that you somehow are an outdoorsman who plays minecraft for multiple hours a day.
He killed the vibe with talking about anime, gaming has gone quite mainstream, and is not perceived as nerdy anymore, as 10-20 years ago
Buddy wait until you hear about how anime is perceived nowadays…
Still much less mainstream than gaming.
